shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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