Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
jump out the window naked night went bad
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
