Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said her name was "party"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
