if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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