She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
