Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
