Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
