Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize