Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
