so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
