party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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