I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
