I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
