The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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