I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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