I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
