So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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