You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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