if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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