Porn is love you can see.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
