Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
