just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
