Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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