I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
