it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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