you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
