You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
