drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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