You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
