Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
