I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
