Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
