Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
