i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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