i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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