i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
