i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
