We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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