i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
