Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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