you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
