So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize