ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
