I faked an abortion last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize