ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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