we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You may now shotgun with the bride
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
