no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
