grandma shit on top of the toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
