I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
