My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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