he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
