im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
