i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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