Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
