after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
