youre lurking in front of me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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