I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
