this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
