yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
