hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
