hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
