That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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