"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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