Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
