I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
