I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
