it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
