when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
