Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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