Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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