I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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