Cold hands, warm shart.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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