just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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