i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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