Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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