the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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