woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
