The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
