so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
too bad you live with your parents still
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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